Thursday, August 25, 2011

Ode to Gm'a G

*Disclaimer: my grandmother was one of the sweetest, good-natured/well-mannered women to ever roam the earth. There. Now...*

Rest in peace, Grandma. It was a hard fought fight. We all love you so much, and we know you're happier where you are now.

My grandmother was a kind, caring woman who put up with a lot in life. She graciously allowed us to make a mess of her upstairs every Sunday evening with our "haunted houses" that we never cleaned up. We also had a heyday in the Fuller Brush room constantly, which I'm sure she wasn't a fan of. But, she loved us, and we knew it. I still remember her coming to pick me up at dancing sometimes. That said, this woman had the best one-liners. Ever. They simply cannot go unshared. Why? Because I cherish them. That's why. And so, sweet Grandmother, without further ado, here's the side of you I think I inherited a bit more of than most...
  • "Looks like Big Chief $h*#-in-bush from the Toilet Paper Tribe..."
  • "Quit jumpin around like a fart in a skillet!"
  • "Couldn't poor p@*$ out of a boot with the instructions written on the heel..."
  • "You don't know $h!# from Blue Vitriol."
And most recently, another hilariousness from her that spurred a post of its own back in the day. I had only written something about G'ma making us laugh til we cried, so my cousin inquired about the details...

"AHAHAHAHAH. oh my gosh. seriously. So, i believe we were reminiscing about choir with grandpa and how it was hilarious because he would just make up his own words to the songs (usually with swear words in them) during practices. So, Kenneth leans over to Grandma (over me) and says, "Couldn't you keep him under control?" WITHOUT missing a beat, she says, "Well, I have 9 kids...what do you think?!" O M H. WE LAUGHED SO HARD. Seriously, i believe i nearly had water out the nostrils. or spit food. or something. all of us were SLAYED. Kenneth's eyes about popped out of his head. it was UNBELIEVABLY hilarious. and the best part was, bless her, she's so far gone that about 2 minutes later she asked me why everyone was laughing so hard. I nearly lost it again."

Dear Grandma,

I know you're in a better place. Enjoy watching the rest of us try to figure this thing out for ourselves. It's got to be entertaining. Can't wait to see you again someday.

Love you,


  1. I'm so sorry about your loss! That was a beautiful tribute!

  2. I'm sorry about your Grandma. This was a really sweet email.

  3. I totally didn't know those things about her. Very classic. I think you will all have fun remembering all the fun things about her. Fun family times!

  4. Ahh, I didn't know your grandma passed away. :( I wish I could have heard some of those one liners in person. Pretty sure I would have laughed a little too hard. :)

  5. I wish I knew her. She sounds lovely.